I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
