North Korea, Best Korea!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
two words...techno handjob
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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