The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
