At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
