I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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