he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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