Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think people are normalizing furries
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
