mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
