The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
