I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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