There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You took a bar mat shot.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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