worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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