i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
