dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
