I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
