But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
