took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
