I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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