I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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