she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
