I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
