her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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