Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
