Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
