made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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