Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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