the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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