I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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