only if we run a train.
done.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
