So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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