dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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