Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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