Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
