If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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