everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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