Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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