in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
