How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
