He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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