Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
