So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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