So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
