how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
