it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
