I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
