Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
