we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
