And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
