Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
