I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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